


Thankful For a Second Chance

by jqueen17



Category: Phan
Genre: Bants, Family, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Thanksgiving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 21:42:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8639266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jqueen17/pseuds/jqueen17
Summary: Description: A Thanksgiving fic in which Dan spends Thanksgiving with Phil’s family, and they both realize the things they’re really thankful for in life. And not just tastebuds and the ability to cook.
Length: 4,172
Warnings: A few mild cusswords here and there and a brief mention of light drinking. It’s mostly fluff, as these impromptu fics generally are!





	

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of Thanksgiving I wrote this fic in two days, and it’s slightly longer than most of my fluffy fics but mostly because of dialogue, really. Very fluffy and lighthearted, and I hope you all have a lovely Thanksgiving!:)
> 
> Enjoy!

Phil

Thanksgiving was one of the most underrated holidays of the year, in my opinion. No one really talked about how amazing autumn was in general, since it wasn’t necessarily considered ‘festive’, but I absolutely loved it. The food, the unexpected chill in the air, the colors-what wasn’t to love about it?

This year I had been put in charge of making the deserts, since more people than expected had heard about our baking videos, and I was making an unholy mess of the kitchen when Dan walked in Wednesday morning. At 8AM. To see me covered in more flour than I had used and every flat surface covered in cooking utensils and ingredients.

“Phil, what the actual fuck are you doing?” Dan asked, rather calmly for someone who probably just wanted an innocent bowl of cereal.

“Don’t tell me you don’t have to cook something for your family for Thanksgiving,” I rolled my eyes, sneezing because the flour was literally everywhere and I had absurdly bad allergies for the end of November.

Dan didn’t bat an eye, keeping his expression blank as he often did when he didn’t want me to see what he was really feeling.

“I don’t. I’m actually not going to visit Wokingham this year.”

“Why?” I asked immediately, pausing my flurry of activity to really study Dan, who simply shrugged.

“I didn’t get invited. I think they think we’re still on tour. It’s whatever,” he shrugged again, walking over to the counter and clearing some of the pans and utensils I had already used into the sink.

“Then what are you doing for Thanksgiving?” I still couldn’t fully grasp why Dan hadn’t told me until the day before Thanksgiving, since we literally never kept things from each other, but I knew one thing for sure: Dan was playing off some emotion as nonchalance. Whether it was anger or sadness or loneliness I didn’t know, but I did know that I was going to make it go away.

“Nothing,” Dan mumbled, his silence alarming me more than anything; it meant the emotion wasn’t anger, since Dan couldn’t stop ranting when he was mad. “I’ll probably just watch The Great British Bakeoff or Yuri on Ice or something. It’s fine.”

I took the plate he had been intensely inspecting from his hands, causing him to actually look me in the eye. “No, it’s not, and no, you’re not. You’re coming to Rawtenstall with me.”

Dan shook his head, but he couldn’t hide his eyes lighting up from me. “No, Phil, I’ll be fine, honest! I’m not intruding on your family during the holidays. I thought we’d established this.”

I smirked, flicking some of the leftover flour from my hands at his face. It rained down in a small cloud onto his black shirt, and he laughed in exasperation as he tried to shake it off.

“You’re coming with me or I’ll kill you. Via flour attack.”

Dan snorted, giving the kitchen a long, thoughtful look. “Fine. But only if you let me help you cook.”

I grinned. “Deal. And you can clean, too, to make it up to me.”

“Right, fuck off,” he rolled his eyes, genuinely smiling at me after a moment. “But seriously, thank you. I’d rather spend Thanksgiving with you-and your family-more than anyone else anyway.”

 

We spent the rest of the day cooking, cleaning, and repeating the cycle for about seven different desserts, filming a few simply because we needed the future video material. We had just finished doing the dishes for the last dessert at about 9:30PM, and we were both so exhausted we just ended up laying on the sofa and watching TV.

Now, one thing that was consistent throughout the holiday season-so from about October 5th to January 5th-was my confusion on how I felt about Dan. I knew it was overly dramatic and not really an issue to let consume my mind, but my feelings all seemed to surface as soon as the first chill of winter hit the city.

Part of me knew why; it was because this was the season I had first met Dan in. And the season we had first fell in love.

And we had. We had been hopelessly, unashamedly in love with each other, but the past tense was just that-the past. Neither of us really knew what had caused us to fall out of love, what specific event had kept us from truly being in love around each other since then, but whatever it was seemed to baffle me every holiday season since.

Especially now, as we sat next to each other on the couch where it was honestly very cold, but neither of us wanted to be the one to initiate sharing a blanket because we were both too terrified of the awkwardness to even try. This is how it had been since basically 2013-we would sit so close it was ridiculous, but not as close as we once had sat and still wanted to sit.

And so I suggested, of all things, wine. My reasoning was that we had had a rather long day, and it would help us sleep and relax us before the stress of families and drama the holidays naturally brought. Dan seemed perfectly happy with it, though, so I didn’t feel like I was doing anything wrong. Until we were both four glasses in and I remembered how foggy wine made my head get, and how touchy it made Dan.

But we weren’t drunk. We didn’t just get drunk; we were just a bit tipsy, and sober enough to know when to stop. As I returned the bottle to the cupboard and sat back on the sofa, my confusing thoughts filled my mind again, but with less urgency or intensity as before.

Until Dan laid his head on my shoulder. The thoughts-instead of flooding my mind all at once, like I’d expected them to-completely halted, as did my heart and breathing momentarily. And when I finally moved, it was just to reach behind Dan and pull the duvet that had been draped over the back of the sofa over our laps.

And without talking or really communicating much at all, we ended up laying down, with Dan on top of my chest and my arms wrapped around his middle, just lazily tracing circles onto his back. And I had so many flashbacks of 2009 and 2010 that it was ridiculous, and I quite seriously wondered if those moments would be what flashed before my eyes when I died. Of us, just laying around feeling completely blissed out, with no worry of expectations to do anything more than keep one another warm.

I hoped those were the moments that I would remember forever.

I was almost asleep when Dan spoke, quietly enough that I knew he definitely wasn’t drunk, since Dan couldn’t be anything but loud when he drank too much.

“Hey Phil.”

“Hey.”

Dan chuckled a bit before continuing, rather serious for how exhausted we were.

“You’re okay with this, right? I didn’t ask, I didn’t really think about it at all, but it’s just been so long that I… I’m sorry.”

I let him get it out of his system, my hand stopping it’s pattern of circles probably freaking him out more than anything else. I was just startled-Dan and I hadn’t ever formally apologized for whatever had happened between us, choosing to ignore it and never bring it up under any circumstance.

I guess, since we were both officially adults, that had changed.

I took my time answering, choosing my words carefully because I really did enjoy this, but didn’t want to pressure Dan into thinking I wanted this above all else. I wanted our friendship more, hands down-platonic was just as good, to be honest, if it meant Dan and I would never fight like we once had again.

“I’m perfectly fine with this, but only if you are. I always used to ask, so I’ll say it again-if anything makes you uncomfortable, tell me to stop. And I’m sorry too, Dan.” I paused for a moment, smiling when I saw that it was 12:14AM. “I’m thankful you’ve stuck with me for all these years.”

Seeing the clock as well, he smiled. “I’m thankful we found each other all those years ago. I’m not sure where I’d be right now if I wasn’t with you.”

I nodded, fully agreeing, and began rubbing his back again like I used to when he couldn’t sleep. I could tell it worked still after all this time, because Dan’s eyelids were fluttering when he lifted his head from my chest to give my face a long, thoughtful look. Or as thoughtful as he could, at midnight after four glasses of wine.

“Can I try something?”

I knew what it was even before Dan probably knew, and let him give me a gentle kiss before pulling his head back down to lay on my chest.

“Go to sleep, Dan. We’ll try things out tomorrow, but for now you need to sleep,” Dan grumbled out an intelligible reply, and I chuckled as I kissed the top of his head. “Goodnight, bear. I love you.”

That last part shocked even me, since I hadn’t dared to utter that phrase in a long time. I was just beginning to think-and hope-that Dan hadn’t heard me when he replied, and I felt him smile as he did.

“I love you too, Phil.”

 

Dan and I decided, on the way to my parents’ house in Martyn’s car, what we were going to tell everyone. We were in the backseat, whispering the whole way there, and Martyn and Cornelia seemed to sense that it was important because they didn’t once interrupt or tease us about being secretive.

And when Martyn glanced back to us on the way into the house to see our hands linked together at our sides, he didn’t even bat an eye, nodding his head once and nudging Cornelia, who grinned at us both.

“Good. You’ve been a part of this family forever anyway, Dan.”

Those words seemed to really touch Dan, because he smiled as he looked down, blinking rapidly and holding my hand just a little bit harder. I squeezed his back, pulling him through the door into the house and letting my parents get a good look at our hands before hugging them.

“I’m proud of you two,” my mum whispered in my ear, whispering something to Dan as well that made his face brighten as my dad hugged us and said, “It’s about time.” We just laughed, and as we made our way into the dining room and to our seats I asked, “What did my mum say?”

Dan smiled down at his plate, tilting his chin up as a few people whispered to each other about our still-linked hands, instead of avoiding their eyes as he usually did when people talked about him. “That I will always be accepted for who I am when I’m here.”

That must have meant the world to him. Dan had always been self-conscious, and my mum had probably appeased him immensely with just that simple sentence. She always seemed to know exactly how to do that, especially with Dan.

“Alright everybody, as per tradition,” my dad announced, his booming voice demanding attention immediately. I always wondered what I’d have been like if I had inherited that instead of my mother’s sure, comforting tone. “We are going to go one by one around the table and share the thing we are most thankful for. You can be serious or silly, don’t worry, there will be no judgement. I’ll start out by being thankful that my wife can cook and I didn’t have to endanger us all with my kitchen skills.”

Everyone laughed, and I could say with certainty that I had inherited my humour from my father. It set an easy air about the room, and as we listened to what people were thankful for, I wondered what Dan and I were going to say. We didn’t look at each other as it got closer and closer to being our turn, and as Martyn went with ‘being thankful he had tastebuds’, I heard Dan breathe out a slow breath to steady himself. And then it was my turn.

“I think the thing I’m most thankful for is home. Whether that’s here, my apartment in London, or a person who I can always be myself around, I’m thankful for that feeling.”

Everyone nodded in agreement before all eyes turned to Dan, and I felt him stiffen momentarily before speaking rather calmly for the nerves that were clearly consuming him.

“I’m thankful for all of you, for allowing me to share Thanksgiving with you. And for being that feeling of home for me, even if I probably annoy you with my cheesy answers.”

That got a round of laughs that seemed to chase away the nerves completely, because Dan grinned and tipped his head at my mum, who was the last person to share.

“Well, I guess I have to be cheesy too by agreeing. I’m thankful for all of you, and that I got to spend this Thanksgiving with more people than usual who I love.”

We blessed the food and did what we always did at Thanksgiving, ate and talked and laughed and simply had a good time while we did. Everyone loved our desserts, and Dan was a hit with my family-they all thought he was hilarious and intelligent and amazing, which was obvious to everyone but him.

My dad pulled me to the side to sit as we started the long process of cleaning the aftermath, scaring me to death as he did. I wasn’t sure what lecture I was going to get, but I definitely didn’t expect him to hug me instead. My dad and I weren’t really the huggy type, so I knew this was an entirely different serious topic than he had ever lectured me on before.

“So about Dan…”

I winced, wondering where this was going. Was he going to chew me out? Was he ashamed that his son wasn’t straight? I figured he’d already known about that but I really hadn’t told my dad about Dan the first time around, so I wouldn’t really blame him if-

“I’m glad you two finally figured out what you were.”

I blinked, relieved by his statement. “Uh, yeah, it took us long enough though,” I snorted, my dad rolling his eyes at my flippant attitude.

“But that being said, don’t let that boy hurt you. And don’t you hurt that boy-I think the two of you have something a lot of people would give up the world for, whether you guys know it or not. And I’m proud of you for having courage and love for your best friend.”

I nodded, rubbing the back of my neck in embarrassment. My mum had always been the easier parent to talk to, so when my dad stood up to walk away and she took his place, I instinctively relaxed.

Until she asked her first question, that is.

“Have you two had sex?”

I nearly fainted from the directness of her question. “MUM!” I exclaimed, my face flushing completely red and my voice squeaking a bit. I felt like a guilty teenager. She, however, only lifted an eyebrow and tilted her head.

“Um, I don’t-why do you-did Martyn say something?”

A small, amused smirk was making her lips twitch, but her tone was no different. “Martyn says a lot of things, but you still haven’t answered my question. Keep in mind that I am your mother and I know Martyn’s the one who taught you to lie, which means you’re terrible at it.”

I avoided her eyes until she tapped my chin, making me lift my head like she used to when I didn’t want to get in trouble as a kid.

“Phil,” she sighed, rubbing a hand over my fringe to fix the disheveledness of it. “I’m not going to yell at you or ground you, sweetie, you are an adult. I just want to know what’s going on between you two.”

I nodded, knowing she was right and that she just cared about both of us a lot. “Yeah, we have,” I said quickly, rushing to explain before she could comment. “But we haven’t in about five years so you don’t have to worry, and besides we were always careful and we still will be but we don’t even know if we’re at that level yet, and besides-”

My mum held a hand up to stop my ramble, smiling at me without any judgement at all. And that allowed me to breathe fully for the first time since either of my parents had pulled me to the side.

“That’s what I figured, but the question really wasn’t supposed to be that difficult for you to answer. You just overcomplicated it.”

I laughed, knowing she was right. I did that to everything.

“But I do have a more serious question for you.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, my heartbeat quickening again in suspense as I nodded for her to continue.

“Do you love Dan?”

I thought about it, knowing she genuinely wanted to know and not just be given a simple answer. “Yeah, I do. A lot. I just hope he loves me, too, because I can’t see myself ever being with anyone else.”

The smile on my mum’s face was both happy and a little bittersweet. “Do you remember your answer to that question when I asked you it the first time I heard about Dan?”

I squinted at her in concentration, trying to remember ever having this conversation before but coming up blank. “Mmm… no, I don’t. What did I say?”

“The exact same thing.”

I blinked a few times in surprise, not really sure where she was going with this but shrugging nonetheless. “So? It’s true.”

Her knowing smile was back on her face, and I loved my mum because she knew things that others never even thought about. It was her secret wisdom.

“So, don’t you think that might mean you never stopped loving him at all? And that maybe the reason you didn’t leave him after you guys had your falling out was that you both loved each other too much to leave?”

I simply stared at her in disbelief, wondering how in the world that had never occurred to me before now. Because she was absolutely right-nothing had changed between Dan and I as far as serious topics went. We would still do anything for each other, and we would still forgive each other no matter what.

“Mum, you know you’re a genius, right?”

She laughed, giving me a hug as she stood. “Obviously. Why do you people always sound so surprised?”

I grinned, hugging her back. “Love you, mum.”

“I love you too, sweetie. Now go home, get some rest. You deserve it.”

 

After Martyn dropped us off that night, Dan and I didn’t exactly rest right away. We took showers, ate a few leftovers that we really didn’t need but decided to eat before we refrigerated everything, and got ready for bed without much conversation at all. It was a comfortable silence, however, and I was about to climb into bed and call it a night when Dan knocked on my door, wearing boxers and a tshirt with his hair curlier than I’d seen it all month. He looked nineteen again.

“Can I sleep in here with you tonight? I haven’t slept as good as I did last night in a long time.”

I smiled softly, patting the spot beside me as I took my glasses off and pulled the covers up to cover my bare chest. “Are you sure it was me? Or was it the wine?”

Dan snickered as he flopped onto the bed, wriggling around until he was comfortable. “You, you spork.”

I clicked the lamp off, and the sudden darkness made Dan subtly scoot closer to me.

“Why the fuck do you keep it so dark in here?” he whispered, although there was no need to do so.

“Because that’s how normal people sleep. But that reminds me-check the drawer over there. You’ll know what I’m talking about.”

I could sense Dan’s hesitation and dubiousness, but after a few seconds of rifling around in the drawer he gasps, holding up the object and clicking his phone on so he could see my face.

“You still have this?! How did you-Phil, I thought we lost this when we moved from Manchester! Does it still work?”

I gestured to the outlet on the wall, grinning when it lit up Dan’s corner. “I thought it might be useful to keep.”

The object was a small Winnie the Pooh nightlight I had bought Dan as a joke when I first moved in with him, since he would always come into my room and trip over everything because it was “too dark”. I’d kept it because it had always made Dan sleep better, even if it was childish and not very bright at all. It was comforting, and reminded me of when things were simple between us.

It apparently had the same effect on Dan, whose eyes were glistening and smile was as radiantly happy as I had seen it in awhile. “Thank you so much, Phil. I can’t believe-I’m so sorry we lost all these years. Because I’m a dick who couldn’t deal with things.”

I shook my head, pushing Dan down as I propped myself up. “Stop apologizing. It wasn’t just you, I was an arse as well and it was too much for you. You were still a kid, Dan-your actions were completely justified.”

Dan nodded, not seeming to fully believe me but accepting my words nonetheless. I was hovering over him, our faces so close it was a wonder either of us hadn’t kissed the other yet. But I wasn’t about to force anything on Dan-he still seemed so young, so delicate to me that I couldn’t bare the thought of demanding anything more from him than he was willing to give.

“Can we try again? I know things aren’t really the same, but I’d like for them to be as good as they were again. Just say the word and I’ll stop.”

Dan nodded, seeming nervous even though we both knew things weren’t going very far tonight. There was value in taking things slowly, and that’s what we were going to do.

I began by simply kissing him, slowly and gently and really just letting him take charge even though I was technically in the dominant position. He was out of breath within mere minutes, and I smiled, knowing that was the effect I had always had on Dan. I kissed along his jawline as he caught his breath, his hands in my hair and tugging on it gently to move it lower, towards his neck.

“You sure?” I whispered, resisting the tug on my hair until he answered.

“Positive.”

I let him guide my head to his neck, and he gasped the second my lips touched his neck, startling me a bit and causing me to pause.

“Good?”

“I’ll never know how the fuck you make me like you touching my neck, but yes, good you dork.”

I grinned, continuing and ignoring his gasps and little whimpers that were mostly innocent but probably sounded a lot worse than they were. I didn’t realize how hard Dan was breathing and how fast his heart was beating until I moved my hand to his chest, and when I did I sat back, Dan making a sound of surprise.

“Why’d you stop?” he panted, squinting at me in confusion.

“Because I’m legitimately afraid I’m going to kill you if I keep doing that. Your heart’s racing like you just ran a mile and you can’t catch your breath.”

Dan let out a breathy laugh, letting his head fall back onto the pillow as he simply breathed for a few long moments. I laid back down as well, pulling his head over to lean on my chest and playing with his hair until he spoke, still sounding winded but speaking clearly enough for me not to worry anymore that he was going to pass out.

“You know what I’m thankful for?” he asked, snuggling closer to me as I hummed in response.

“I’m thankful for a second chance.”

I nodded. “Same here. I’m pretty sure we would both be screwed if we didn’t get one.”

“That is true,” Dan answered, and we fell into silence after that, the only light in the room coming from the nightlight and the only sound being Dan’s breathing, which finally relaxed and evened out after a few minutes.

“Love you, bear,” I whispered. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

“Love you too,” Dan murmured, his words so slurred with sleep I barely understood him. “Happy Thanksgiving.”


End file.
